Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS
Dealing with Fear in Music
In this episode of the CGC Podcast I deal with the topic of dealing with fear in music. Fear is something we all experience and it can impact your experience on classical guitar
I want to share with you a point in time that impacted me and transformed the way I think about what I do. I was an usher at Angel Place in Sydney, a wonderful concert venue. On the way home one night, I was catching a train and my friend John was with me and I was concerned that I had said something that someone didn’t like or something of the sort and he said, “Look Simon, not everyone in the world is going to like you and you’re not going to like everyone . . . and that’s okay.” What I found so striking about the comment was the ending, that it’s okay, that it’s okay that some people will not like what you do and that you will not like what other people do. It’s a rather obvious comment when you think about it but it’s also liberating.
Several years later — maybe 10 years later — I went to the Sydney Opera House and I bumped into John again. I thanked him for his earlier comment and told him how helpful it was and, almost without missing a beat, he said, “Great, well I have something else for you — 10% are going to love what you do, another 10% are going to hate what you do, and the rest just don’t care.”
The 10% Who Hate What You Do
So let’s break this down a bit. I’ve met some people over the years who are self-confessed trolls on the Internet. And I was really intrigued to ask them, “Why?” And I always thought that an Internet troll was a fantastical being that lives under a bridge, a little creature that’s mean-spirited. But actually the term trolling is about trolling for fish, where you put bait in the water and the boat’s moving and you drag the line through the water to catch fish. These people were initially looking for a reaction, to get you to engage with them — and they found it to be good sport.
Internet Trolls
I also talked with others who have multiple accounts on Forums so they can further trigger conversations. I myself had a pretty intense troll on the Internet and they created different names to create conversations. Even now I have someone within minutes of uploading a YouTube video will almost instantly give a thumbs down. Likewise there are several one-star reviews of this podcast on iTunes. And while I hope that I didn’t deserve those one-star reviews, maybe it’s just not for them. But for some people trolling is just good fun.
Just having a bad day?
Another thing to keep in mind is that people come from all kinds of different perspectives and we can sometimes assume that people come from a sound worldview and perhaps think just like us, but words mean different things to different people and it’s impossible to know where some comments are coming from. There are also differences in how people express themselves and what might seem rude or aggressive to us might be something they don’t consider the same.
I also remember once someone said they said they wanted to punch me in the face and I found out later it was just a kid in their teens — we can often assume malice but maybe they’re just having fun. So knowing this can help us understand the kind of hate we might encounter in response to us, especially online. And for me a helpful approach is recognizing that what we do or say might just not be for some people. We take this approach at Classical Guitar Corner when sometimes people express how much they don’t like what we do and we have learned to say, “Great, we’re not a good fit, it’s not for you, perfect — it wasn’t built for you and that’s why you don’t like it.”
The 80% Who Just Don’t Care
Nobody cares about what you’re doing more than you do. The exceptions to this kind of rule might be family — spouses, children, parents, etc. — but, with that caveat aside, nobody cares about what’s going on in your world more than you do. Especially when it comes to performing on the stage or making a video, it’s important to recognize that the fear of making a fool of yourself is a fear you harbor more than anyone else. Likewise, if someone doesn’t give you a round of applause or an approving comment on your video, it’s not really about you — there’s so much else going on in other people’s lives that we can’t comprehend and sometimes people just don’t care.
And this is comforting — it’s comforting to know if you get up on stage and have a really big memory slip or everything just falls to pieces you are probably the only one who will be awake at night thinking about mistakes you made. Most people are concerned with things going on in their lives, not with the mistakes you made in your performance.
The 10% Who Love What You Do
The last portion of the pie is those people who should be taking up most of your attention, the 10% who love what you do. These are the people that you’re serving. They are the people who listened to you work on something for two years and cheered you on when you finally performed it on stage. Perhaps they urged you to submit your exam at CGC Academy and want to celebrate with you when you get your certificate. Or maybe theyhave been emailing back and forth and you finally get the chance to meet at Summer School and they applaud for you when they hear you play. They just want to support you.
Learn to accept compliments
Now this doesn’t mean you should be like the TV talent show performers who are oblivious to their level of ability. What I’m talking about is learning to accept compliments, thinking and knowing that those in the audience are there to support you, and even if you crash and burn it’s a success because you gave it a go. This affirmative approach is very powerful and, although I’m as skeptical as they come, I really do believe in affirmation and the ability to steer our mind.
Because, in the end, that is really what we’re up against when it comes to fear and inhibition. And what a shame to not have your creativity, your curiosity, your art out in the world, no matter where you are on that journey. That’s the real tragedy. And if you’re not doing that because you’re afraid of what other people might think or you’re inhibited because of what you think — that you’re not good enough, or what have you — make a decision to put your creativity, your art as a priority and just do it. You really do have to just jump into the deep end and go for it. And focus on that 10% of those who love what you do, who celebrate in your failure and your victories and everything in between, which is a wonderful place to be.
Is it actually that bad?
Really, when you think about it, is playing classical guitar — maybe in front of a few people, maybe on a video — is it really that daunting? Or is it that our mind, with that ancient amygdala sitting atop our spine, is telling us that somehow there are bears and lions in the area and that we have to run away and flee, when in fact you have a classical guitar in your hand and you’ve been practicing for a year or two and you care about the music. Maybe it’s more about that in the end.
Maybe there’s only one person out there who will get something from this article and the other 99 or however many are reading this will say, “That’s hogwash” or “Get off your soapbox, Simon” — and that’s okay. It’s for the 10% that it helps; that’s who it’s for. And for everyone else, it wasn’t a great fit and that’s okay. At the very least, know that we’re all in the same boat.
Proud to be a 10 percenter. :-)
I could’ve used this podcast a few days ago while I was prepping for an open mic performance! 🤣 Really good stuff Simon; I’m sure I will be putting a lot of this into my mind while I work towards my next open mic.
Thank you Simon. Welcomed your voice on this subject. Don’t wonder if message hit home from this guitarist – your podcast is a perfectly tuned instrument playing a song I need to hear every day.
Miles of smiles from Monterey.
I’m among the 10% who love what you do at CGC and the content in the podcasts. Keep up the good work!
Thanks Simon, a really helpful perspective for life and performing.
Thanks so much Simon! I am so grateful to have access to CGC, and grateful for all the work that you have done to bring Classical guitar to those of us who can’t access it easily. I’m not as vocal as many are in our lovely community, but I am most assuredly in the 10 percent!
Thank you Simon. Very inspirational.
Will definitely continue my journey with CGC.
You have so much to offer
Thank you so much, Simon, for this wonderful podcast. It was exactly what I needed to hear at this point in my guitar adventure. I have become somewhat used to playing in front of people in a group, with more folk or traditional type music, but a very nervous about playing classical music in front of others. Just yesterday I was thinking, “why am i doing this?” I love practicing but have been apprehensive about taking it to another level. I love the support and everything about CGC! And , by the way, I listened to the entire podcast! :))
Thank you, Simon, for this very informative and thought-provoking topic. Your ideas here apply not just to guitar playing. By the way, I’m one of the 10% who love and appreciate everything you do for us here at CGCA!
Dave
Good work on this podcast, Simon. Your approach to dealing with negative responses on the internet is a good one, and helps keep things in perspective. I’ve often wondered why some people seem bent on criticism or negative remarks, and while there are a number of reasons involved (including “good sport”) I think it is motivated by envy, and their own mediocrity. They don’t want to see others excel since it makes them feel inferior and they want to pull them down. Some times these people have an inflated opinion of themselves. So while there is a place for constructive feedback, it is best to ignore the ignoramuses. I appreciate what you are doing, Simon. I also think you have a good podcast voice, you express yourself very well and your slight accent (to my Canadian ears) helps add a dash of charisma to your online persona. (BTW, I enjoyed your interview with Karin Schaupp – nicely handled.)
Simon, this was really helpful. I think your comments about the 10% that are negative about any performance is such a good reminder that you just never know where they are coming from. You correctly state- take it with a grain of salt. I’d like to add that Aaron Shearer also reminds us to “never impose your concerns and expectations on your listeners,” We assume that our being disturbed about errors is equally shared by the audience. Shearer notes that most people don’t notice minor errors “and they’re not terribly concerned about the errors they do hear.” He has the great insight: “Bear in mind that your listeners aren’t aware of how you intend to play. Their impression is always general rather than specific. Most listeners simply want to enjoy your playing. Allow them that pleasure.” It seems the challenge for me (and others may agree) is learning how to enjoy playing for others and not see it as such a big ordeal.
Thank you Simon sooooo perfect to listen to while I’m putting music together in different notebooks for several different holiday gatherings my friends and I will be playing at. I hope there is a way to send this to them all. My two cellist friends, one who has been studying/playing for only a year and the other who is just picking up her cello again after 30 plus years of not playing and my duet ( and capoeira) partner who has only been playing classical guitar for about two years and I all could all benefit from this heartfelt talk. I love and admire your willingness to self disclose, so meaningful!! Maybe these words too can help someone… we are playing at church to set a contemplative mood during prelude, at a community meal for predominantly homeless people and at a Masonic dinner for 30 minutes where hopefully plates will be clanking…my friend sent this message to me which I found was quite soothing… “ the community meal etc. is on my calendar, with the understanding it can be our best efforts within a setting which is reasonably low key” I like that… Just accepting in ourselves and others “OUR BEST EFFORTS!”
Thank you for YOUR efforts!
Peace to you this evening,
Heidi Beth Wert
Dear Simon,
Thank you, excellent as I would expect. Your voice, your delightful edgy laughter, your vision, are why I joined CGC. You care. It is not easy to say the important things. I appreciate your mind and heart.
Authenticity is the gem we are capable of producing in our lives.
-Drew
Hi Simon
Not only you are a very very good teacher, musician, communicator organiser and more…..but you have a Vision.
it shines through in everything you doe.
Criticism in some cases justified, in many cases it reflects: envy, jealousy, misunderstanding, ignorance.
I have great respect for your qualities and i hope i can stay here in CGC for some years to come.
Thanks,
Joannes
Thank you Simon! This podcast was ‘soul food’ for me! Helpful perspectives and insights which I had never considered.
Hi Simon,
All good advice on how to cope with some emerging problems as aspiring performers. I think the 10% for and against helps get some rationality into personal perspectives too. I’d even consider 5% to be perhaps more representative. Which leaves some 90% of all people as either indifferent or “on the other side” so to speak. The initial impact of that idea does tend to cause a quick gasp when totality becomes apparent. However, we as aspiring instrumentalists, also need to use that idea to help corral our own intentions when it comes to how much “skin we put into the game” To please our selves should be the prime target here. And if what you do does appeal to a couple of others, consider that a bonus. If not, you’re already focused on your own road.
I think these sorts of personal discussions are helpful, particularly for younger members who are still trying to get a fix on what to expect. As for an old warhorses like me I’ve learnt too quickly to sift out any constructive criticism and simply ignore the rest. But that does take practice too.
Cheers
Bill Gifford
This is the first podcast I’ve ever listened to & it certainly will not be the last. A great in site into the psychological aspect of putting yourself out there made & will make me think differently before, when & after performing. It made me smile when the bit about losing sleep after a performance – I wasn’t happy with my last gig even though many said they enjoyed it, I didn’t believe them & ‘beat myself up’ about it, next time I’ll think about the 10% !!
Thank you very much Simon for your excellent contribution to music, its very sad to hear you get criticism, but as you say, its ok
Thank you Simon for sharing these helpful insights. I myself can’t help but be affected by negative comments sometimes, whether related to music or not. I just try to see if I can learn from such comments, and try not to let them get me off track.
I agree that we should focus on the 10% who appreciate what we do, because they are the ones who will benefit from what we share. The others may simply don’t understand or may be coming from some place we don’t know. Whatever it is, it would be their loss, not ours.
All the best to you and more power to CGC! Have a great day.
Your comments are very constructive and will help people understand criticism; positive and negative. I have always accepted the positive in a humble and not grandiose way. Likewise, the 80% that don’t really care make no difference to me one way or another. It is the negative 10% that have always impacted me the most; let’s face it, no one likes to hear negative comments about themselves, their work, etc. It’s been hard for me to take negative criticism and the only one that pays the price is me.
Over the years i began to change this by utilizing negative comments to help me strive in those areas i find truthful and valid, and to discard those that are driven by ill intent or bias AND to accept the fact that not everyone will like you no matter who you are and “THAT IS OKAY”
regards.
Oscar Corea
Yes,the criticism is just as important (if not better than) the complimentary.
You only care too much about criticism because it contains partial truths.
There’s ALWAYS gonna be people who don’t like something but you’d need to start worrying if there was only thumbs up all the time.
I guarantee you’d much prefer the other way round!
Some people have nothing better to do -Serial complaining and apportionment of blame is all the rage in every walk of life so work off it , and as for performing live well,I have no desire to do so ,I’m just into practicing for it’s own sake, tone colour scales tempo volume..I can see how it could be a terrifying experience playing a classic guitar piece to an audience though,but I think once you attain a certain level in your playing that YOU are comfortable with ,that you can justify your rendition of a piece to yourself and it feels like you own it , then I would expect any fears you once had would simply disappear.
It also needs to be discovered where this ‘fear’ lies too,to make sense of it: Fear of what ? Open spaces?
Your technique? Your interpretation? Your image?
Focus on the source of your fear and fairly soon you’ll understand that there really was nothing to be fearful about in the first place.
Everything we’ve ever learned to do has involved and evolved precisely FROM our trepidation and apprehension . Why be scared of a natural process?
Kind regards
Hi Simon,
As always, thanks for the thoughtful podcast.
This one on fear reminded me of an experience I had when living in Dresden, Germany in the mid-90’s, where I was completing my dissertation research. Specifically, it was your remark about the percentage of audience members who are indifferent to what we’re doing.
I was attending a performance of R. Strauss’s “Capriccio” at the Semper Oper, and a marvelous performance it was. I was sitting behind two English businessmen, and when we rose from our seats I heard the one businessman say to the other “Aren’t these Germans just marvelous! The performance ended EXACTLY on time!”
Thanks again for all you do for the guitar community.
Hey Simon, first thing I must tell you is that your podcast is very entertaining and inspirational. I think I sent the survey in and if I said I didn’t like the guest speakers I was mistaken. I do thoroughly love listening to your guest relay their history. Having said this I also very much enjoy hearing you discuss various aspects of technique and musicality. A healthy mixture of both is good I believe. Criticism, as you know has to be weighed out and some will be constructive others like the one who said they wanted to punch you is irrational. I remember a church I once attended here in Alabama where I live. During one of our pastors sermon he remarked that when he first started preaching he thought everybody liked him. He however came to the realization that not everybody did. Isn’t that true for all of us? I subscribed to your podcast because like so many people I share a love for classical music and in particular classical guitar music, both listening to and playing it. I do appreciate what you do and I look forward to each new podcast. I also participate in the Facebook study group which I’m very appreciative for your time and effort as I know that it is a freebie for us but cost you a lot of time and planning. Thank you! I hope you don’t filter out guest speakers altogether. Hopefully you will have a mixture of both guest and your voice which by the way I enjoy listening to. Thanks again! Sincerely David Haven
Thanks Simon,
Very much enjoyed this, Performance anxiety is a bigger block for me. I keep keeping at it!
Only an extrovert can do what you do and you do help with thing called the classical guitar even though it’s not for everyone.
Ron
Thanks, Simon! That was really helpful.
Thank you Simon. I was touched by this podcast. You got me to look at trollers in a whole different light. I love all the videos and podcasts you put out and I hope you continue doing what you’re doing. I count myself as one of the 10% that really really likes your content and I continue to come away inspired.
Simon,
I will admit to being part of the 80% for much of this podcast, playing Solitaire while listening with one ear. Why was I even listening? Because very often you drop a gem as you ramble about the topic. There were a few in this podcast I’ll save for further contemplation.
During my software career we often performed code reviews. I was trained to be a moderator for these sessions. One of the important lessons was to focus on the work and to shut down any personal references. Critique of the work, with helpful suggestions was encouraged. As a moderators we were also tasked with ensuring the the author did not take the remarks as personal affronts; sometimes a difficult task. Fortunately all of us, authors, reviewers, and moderators, had a vested interest in producing the best possible product. After a few sessions most of the team could make the distinction between critique(good) and criticism(bad).
Please, continue your efforts on behalf of improving classical guitar, for both myself and your other students. Who knows when one of your gems finds fertile ground?
This podcast wasn’t quite what I was expecting, which made it even better because what you said did resonate with me, and my bafflement at trolling and hatred on social media. I suspect the majority of listeners may not necessarily fall into the “don’t care” category but are more likely to be simply not sufficiently interested to respond one way or another . I am definitely a 10%er on the plus side!
I am one of the 10%. Really enjoyed the podcast. Right on target. Thank-you so much!
Thanks for writing about fear. There is truth in every word. Throw me in with the 10% of positive supporters.
To be in the top 1% you only need to be 10% better than 90% of everyone else. That’s you, Simon, and I like what you do. You were half way there if you didn’t leave the house wearing pajama pants.
Thanks so much, this was a really good read. I have actually found that, in posting videos on YT, I don’t get negative comments or thumbs down. I think the audience that listens to classical guitar online is generally very supportive and appreciative of the hard work that goes into playing a piece, even when it is not played perfectly or to their taste.
Glad you found it helpful, Eric! I agree, the classical guitar community is generally vey supportive. Thanks for the nice comment!
Peace,
Dave B (CGC team)
Couldn’t agree more Simon. Problem is, as “arty” types, teenagers especially, we’re seen as fair game for the “aggro” elements of society.
And that has very little to do with performance or quality. Just embedded in modern culture. Probably worse now that most cultural constraints have gone with the wind. People just blurt out the most outrageous stuff on every media, hoping, I suppose, to gain five minutes of fame for themselves. My experience of this situation is: if you gained 10% support once upon a time, that’s now around 5%,
The don’t care chunk remains about 80% and the vitriolic group now has grown to to 15%. No wonder you need such huge attending audiences at any performing venue to remain viable. I guess there’s a bit of natural selection going on too. Only those suitably “bitten”
with the classical bug will continue to overcome the highest jumps in this steeplechase and become “work hardened” in the process. Unfortunately you can’t teach that. Experience has to be accumulated.
Regards
Bill
Thanks for the reminders, Simon
Thank you for reminding us about these life truths!! You sharing a spot in the 10% sure helps the rest of us trying to get there and stay there!
Well, I am geographically pretty far, but you can count me on your 11% percent in favor :)
Thanks
This is one of my favorite CGC podcasts. It’s an important life lesson. I went to a counseling session once that dealt w/ the inner critic and I don’t remember the specifics, but I think it was similar. Thank you so much for your podcasts and everything you do. It’s been life changing for me.
Thank you for the nice comment, Christy, and we’re so glad the podcasts have been helpful for you!
Peace,
Dave B (CGC team)